Why Advice-Giving Doesn’t Work

On the surface, giving advice seems helpful. After all, you’re an expert with insights to share, right? But here’s the hard truth: advice is often a shortcut—and shortcuts don’t lead to real transformation.

Here’s what happens when you give advice:

1. You Disempower Your Clients
• When you hand someone the answer, you’re subtly sending the message that they can’t figure it out on their own. It robs them of the opportunity to tap into their inner wisdom and build confidence in their decision-making.
2. You Shift Into “Friend Zone” Mode
• Giving advice can make your sessions feel more like a chat with a buddy than a powerful coaching experience. Your client might leave feeling supported but not necessarily transformed.
3. The Change Doesn’t Stick
• Clients are far more likely to take action on solutions they’ve arrived at themselves. Advice can feel like an external “should” rather than an internal truth—and internal truths are what lead to sustainable change.

Example: A coach I once mentored confessed she often jumped in with advice because she feared her client would think she wasn’t providing enough value. But when she stepped back and asked the right questions instead, her clients started making breakthroughs that didn’t just feel good—they lasted.

The Fear Behind Giving Advice

Let’s get real for a second: why do you feel the need to give advice? For many of us, it’s not about the client; it’s about us. Advice-giving can stem from our own insecurities as coaches.

Ask yourself:

• Am I afraid of not knowing the “right” thing to say?
• Where am I not trusting my ability to guide my client through questions instead of answers?
• What am I afraid of if I challenge my client to dig deeper?

These fears are normal but worth addressing. True coaching isn’t about fixing someone; it’s about holding space for them to fix themselves.

When you confront these fears, you’ll notice a shift in your approach to coaching. You’ll feel more confident in allowing your clients to navigate their own journey rather than steering the wheel for them. And that’s where the magic happens—when your clients own their process, the results are deeper and longer-lasting.

The Power of Asking Questions

Instead of advice, focus on inquiry. Asking powerful questions invites your client to explore their own thoughts, beliefs, and solutions. This is where transformation happens.

How to Ask Better Questions:

1. Open-Ended Questions
• Instead of: “Have you thought about delegating more?”
• Try: “What’s currently stopping you from delegating tasks?”
2. Dig Deeper
• Instead of moving on after a surface-level answer, follow up with: “What else comes up for you around this?”
3. Challenge Their Assumptions
• Instead of: “That sounds tough.”
• Try: “What would you do differently if you knew you couldn’t fail?”
4. Explore the “Why” Behind Resistance
• Ask questions like: “Why do you think this is such a challenge for you?” or “What does this resistance protect you from?”

Example of Impact: A client once told me they couldn’t launch their new offer because they didn’t feel “ready.” Instead of advising them to take the leap, I asked, “What does ‘ready’ mean to you?” That one question opened up a realization that “ready” was a story they were telling themselves to avoid discomfort. They launched two weeks later.

Listening: The Unsung Hero of Coaching

Powerful questions don’t mean much if you’re not truly listening. Active listening is more than hearing words; it’s about being fully present and tuning into the emotions, tone, and pauses in your client’s responses.

How to Practice Active Listening:

• Pause Before Responding: Don’t rush to fill silence. Give your client space to process their thoughts.
• Reflect What You Hear: Repeat key phrases or summarize their emotions to show understanding.
• Listen for What’s Not Being Said: Pay attention to body language, hesitation, or avoidance. These often hold the key to deeper insights.

Example of Impact: A client once mentioned feeling “stuck” in their career but quickly moved on to another topic. By reflecting back, “I noticed you said you feel stuck—can we explore that more?” we uncovered a fear of success that was holding them back.

Active listening also fosters trust, which is a foundational element in any coaching relationship. When clients feel heard—truly heard—they’re more likely to open up, explore deeper emotions, and engage fully in the coaching process.

Guiding Clients to Their Own Breakthroughs

When you shift from advice-giving to inquiry and listening, you create a space where clients feel empowered to uncover their own answers. This doesn’t just lead to breakthroughs—it builds resilience and self-trust in your clients.

Steps to Guide Clients to Breakthroughs:

1. Start with Curiosity: Approach every session with a genuine curiosity about your client’s inner world.
2. Challenge Their Stories: Help them identify and question the narratives that are keeping them stuck.
3. Empower Them to Decide: Resist the urge to direct their path. Instead, ask, “What feels like the best next step for you?”
4. Hold Space for Reflection: Allow moments of silence or pause for your client to sit with their realizations.

Example of Impact: A client once struggled with imposter syndrome, constantly questioning their worth. Instead of advising them to “stop doubting yourself,” I asked, “What evidence do you have that proves you’re not capable?” This reframing led them to see they were holding onto unfounded fears. Over time, they began owning their expertise and stepping into leadership roles.

The Results Speak for Themselves

Ready to take your coaching skills to the next level? Grab my free mini-course, Become an Aligned & In-Demand Coach, and learn how to guide clients through life-changing breakthroughs with confidence and ease.

When you stop giving advice and start listening and asking questions, you’ll notice a shift in your clients. They’ll:

• Take ownership of their growth.
• Make decisions that feel deeply aligned with their values.
• Achieve sustainable change because they’ve done the work themselves.

And you? You’ll feel lighter, more confident, and more effective as a coach. Because you’re no longer carrying the weight of being the “fixer”—you’re the guide who empowers.

So the next time you feel the urge to offer advice, pause. Take a breath. And ask a question instead. You’ll be amazed at the transformation that unfolds. Embrace this approach, and watch as your clients grow into the empowered, self-reliant individuals they were always meant to be.