How Not to Take Things Personally This Holiday Season

 Ah, the holidays—a time for joy, connection, and, let’s be honest, a bit of stress. Whether it’s Aunt Susan’s unsolicited advice about your career, your parenting, or your love life (we get it, Susan), or your cousin’s subtle digs about your “hobby business,” the holiday dinner table can feel like an emotional minefield.

The truth is, the holidays can bring out all sorts of feelings—frustration, hurt, or even self-doubt. It’s easy to take these moments personally, to feel the sting of judgment or criticism. But what if this year, you didn’t?

What if you could approach these interactions with calm and clarity? What if you could separate yourself from others’ opinions and create a sense of emotional peace, no matter what’s thrown your way?

Let’s dive into how you can avoid taking things personally this holiday season, how to handle triggering moments with grace, and how to use the Trigger Response Method (TRM) to stay centered and confident. Plus, I’ve included a resource that can help you deepen your skills in communication and emotional regulation this season.

Why We Take Things Personally

Before we jump into the tools, let’s talk about why we take things personally in the first place.

At its core, taking things personally happens when:

1. We attach meaning to others’ words or actions.
• We assume their comment is about us or reflects something we’re lacking.
2. We tie our worth to external validation.
• When someone criticizes us, it feels like an attack on our value.
3. We create stories around their behavior.
• We tell ourselves, They don’t respect me, or They think I’m not enough.

Here’s the thing: 99% of the time, when someone says something hurtful or judgmental, it’s not about you—it’s about them. Their opinions, projections, and insecurities are their own.

But even when you know this logically, it can still feel personal. That’s where the work comes in.

The Trigger Response Method: A Step-by-Step Approach

The Trigger Response Method is a tool I use to help myself and my clients navigate triggering moments without reacting. It’s simple, but it takes practice. Here’s how you can use it to stay grounded when holiday conversations heat up:

Step 1: Identify the Trigger

The first step is awareness. When someone says or does something that stirs up an emotional reaction, notice it.

Ask yourself:

• What specifically triggered me?
• What am I feeling right now (e.g., hurt, anger, frustration)?

Example: Aunt Susan comments, “Are you still doing that little business of yours?” You feel a wave of frustration and defensiveness.

Step 2: Observe Your Reaction

Instead of immediately reacting, pause and observe. Notice what’s happening in your body and mind without judgment.

Ask yourself:

• Am I feeling defensive, hurt, or angry?
• What’s my instinctive reaction (e.g., to defend, shut down, or lash out)?

Take a deep breath and remind yourself: I don’t need to react right now. I can choose how to respond.

Step 3: Question the Emotion

Go deeper into why this moment triggered you. Often, our reactions stem from deeper fears or insecurities.

Ask yourself:

• Why did this comment bother me?
• What story am I telling myself about what they said?
• Is that story true?

Example: The story might be, She doesn’t take my work seriously, or She thinks I’m not successful. But is that really true, or is it your perception?

Step 4: Find the Root

Once you’ve identified the emotion and the story, look for the root cause. Often, it’s tied to an old belief or wound.

Ask yourself:

• Is this tapping into an old insecurity or fear?
• Where does this belief come from?

Example: Maybe it triggers an old belief that your work isn’t valid because it doesn’t fit traditional definitions of success.

Step 5: Choose Your Reaction

Here’s the empowering part: you get to choose how to respond. Instead of reacting impulsively, decide how you want to show up in this moment.

Options for responding:

• Redirect the conversation: “I love what I’m doing, and it’s been such a rewarding journey. How’s work going for you?”
• Ask a curious question: “That’s an interesting perspective—what makes you feel that way?”
• Simply disengage: “Thanks for asking! So, what’s everyone’s favorite holiday dish this year?”

The goal isn’t to win the conversation—it’s to protect your peace and stay aligned with who you are.

Tools to Stay Centered Around the Dinner Table

Here are additional tangible tools you can use when holiday conversations start to feel overwhelming:

1. The Power of the Pause

When someone says something triggering, take a moment to breathe before you respond. This pause gives you time to process and choose your reaction.

How to Practice:

• Inhale deeply for four seconds, hold it for four seconds, and exhale for six seconds.
• Remind yourself: Their opinion doesn’t define me.

2. Detach With Curiosity

Instead of reacting emotionally, approach the situation with curiosity.

Ask:

• “What makes you feel that way?”
• “Can you tell me more about that?”

This shifts the energy from conflict to conversation and often diffuses tension.

3. Use Mantras to Stay Grounded

Mantras can help you stay calm and focused when emotions run high.

Examples:

• “Their opinion is not my responsibility.”
• “I am enough as I am.”
• “I choose peace over drama.”

Repeat these silently to yourself whenever you feel triggered.

4. Redirect the Energy

If a conversation is heading into uncomfortable territory, redirect it.

Example:
If someone comments on your parenting choices, respond with: “Every family is so different! By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask about your garden—how’s that going?”

5. Use Silence as a Response

Not every comment needs a reaction. Sometimes, the most powerful response is no response at all. A simple smile and a subject change can work wonders.

A Deeper Resource for Growth

If you’re ready to go even deeper into mastering your reactions and improving your communication, I’ve created a short, powerful audio course to help you strengthen these skills.

The course dives into:

• How to separate yourself from others’ opinions.
• Tools to stay calm and unbothered in triggering situations.
• Practical exercises to build emotional resilience and confidence.

Click here to access the course and transform the way you communicate this holiday season.

Prompts for Holiday Reflection

To help you prepare for holiday gatherings, use these prompts to reflect on your triggers and plan your approach:

1. What are my typical triggers during holiday conversations?
2. What patterns or stories do I notice when I feel judged or criticized?
3. What mantras or tools can I use to stay grounded?
4. How do I want to show up at family gatherings this year?
5. What boundaries can I set to protect my energy?

The Gift of Not Taking Things Personally

When you learn to not take things personally, you give yourself the ultimate holiday gift: peace. You free yourself from the weight of others’ opinions and create space for what truly matters—connection, love, and joy.

This holiday season, choose to approach conversations with grace and curiosity. Use the Trigger Response Method to pause, reflect, and respond intentionally. And most importantly, remember: you are not responsible for others’ opinions of you.

You are responsible for your peace. And that? That’s the best gift you can give yourself.

Ready to deepen your skills? Access the audio course here.